SPARTANBURG, SC — Using nothing more than a weather report and some social media knowhow, a local man has stunned the scientific community and issued what researchers are calling “the strongest rebuke yet” of decades of mounting evidence that human activity is responsible for causing rising temperatures across the planet.
Randy Hubbard, 61, of Gaffney, made the observation that will likely shape humanity’s future for generations around 7:15 am Thursday, witnesses said.
“He turned on the TV like he does every morning after his breakfast,” said Hubbard’s wife Nancy, “and that’s right about when the weather came on. Randy saw that the low was gonna be 22 and there was gonna be a wintry mix of snow and ice. Randy chuckled and said ‘global warming my ass.’”
And with that, history had been made.
Hubbard, a retired auto mechanic, immediately took his scientific breakthrough to social media.
“Theres going be anoyher ice storm in south Carolina,, wheres AL gore when yo need him??,” Hubbard wrote in a status update on the popular social networking site Facebook, adding, “global warming my ass!!!!!”
Hubbard also sent a mass text containing his revolutionary findings to “at least 100″ family, friends and peers. And as word quickly spread, scientists from across the world struggled to come to terms with what is being dubbed “Hubbard’s headway.”
Dr. Maxwell Smith, a researcher with the National Climate Assessment and Development Advisory Committee (NCADAC) and one of the world’s foremost experts on climate change, was one of those caught blindsided by news of Hubbard’s admonishment of all global warming theories.
“We really have no scientific way to respond to [Hubbard's] remarkable discovery. None whatsoever,” Smith said. “This is really a ‘checkmate’ for those of us who, until now, believed climate change was a real thing.”
Hubbard’s findings dismiss what was previously thought to be “unambiguous evidence” that earth is warming and that climate change is driven primarily by human activity, especially from burning fossil fuels.
The third National Climate Assessment, released earlier this month by Smith and the NCADAC, found that climate change could raise temperatures by 10 degrees over the next Century.
“We basically have to throw all that work in the trash now. There’s nothing left for us to do but turn our talents elsewhere,” Smith said. “I just can’t believe we were so wrong.”
For his part, Hubbard is elated at the thought that he has played a key role in human history.
“I’m just glad I left my mark for my grand-kids and their grand-kids,” Hubbard said. “Now that we solved this problem, we can start doing the important stuff like ending the homosexual marriage and stopping all the spending.”
Powered by Facebook Comments