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CONGRESSWOMAN GRADULATES FLORIDA FOOTBALL, DESTROYS ENGLISH LANGUAGE
The United States is in the midst of a serious financial crisis spurned on by exorbitant government spending that threatens the future of our entire economy. But fear not.
Your trusty leaders in Congress have learned that enabling such catastrophic behavior is bad, and they are now focused on only the important issues. Like alcoholism, illiteracy and college football.
Leading this fight is Congresswoman Corrine Brown (D-Fla.), who apparently got hammered before taking to the House floor recently to “gradulate” the Florida Gators “for winning its second NCAA BS Championship Bowl Game in the last three season… Go Gator!”
Donning some kind of orange choir robe thing, Brown also gradulated head coach “Irvin Meyers” and Heisman trophy winning quarterback “Tim Tivo.” Also receiving gradulations were wide receiver “Percy Harvey” for his “gustily” play, and the entire defense for “one of the best defense plays that I seen.”
Brown also noted that “it is clear that the Gators are superb to any other schools with the conferences that we play in.” According to Brown, they are superior not only for their athletics, but also because of their “sportmanship” and “ac… ademics.”
So, whatever the hell this whole garbled mess was supposed to mean, South Carolina fans better take note.
If the Gamecocks want to finally stand a chance against the Gator next season, they need a member of Congress to take the House floor and somehow butcher worserer the English language. Thankfully, South Carolina’s six-member delegation offers more than enough candidates for the job.
However, finding someone who matches Brown’s resume may prove difficult.
Brown has previously been fined for violating state ethics laws, tried for gerrymandering her district to remove black neighborhoods, broken the House gift rule, and called the Bush Administration “a racist bunch of white men.”
I can only think of one Congressman in South Carolina with that kind of track record: James Clyburn.
If you’re a Gamecock fan and would like to encourage Clyburn to one-up Brown so South Carolina might finally have hope against Florida next season, his office number is (202) 225-3315. Seriously… if the Gator steamroll through Columbia again and you didn’t call Clyburn, it’s on you.
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UPDATE: Check out this gem from Brown’s Wikipedia page:
Brown attended Florida A&M University, from which she received both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in Public Speaking, and the University of Florida, where she was awarded a Masters degree. She received an Communications/Speech degree from Edward Waters College in Jacksonville.
I’m not sure if that’s true or someone just edited it in there. Either way… priceless.
I wonder if she is a supporter of Obama?
This is pretty frightening! This just put to rest any hope that I had for this Country. Poor ole Florida, but more important, poor ole US.
Maybe Jim Rex will hire her to help him improve SC’s public schools.
WTF?? Was that woman drunk? In case you didn’t know, Ervin Meyers is da most winningingest actibe corch in da nashun. By the way, was she wearing a bathrobe? That just gave the Criminoles smack talk for at least a year…
UPDATE: Check out this gem from Brown’s Wikipedia page:
Brown attended Florida A&M University, from which she received both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in Public Speaking, and the University of Florida, where she was awarded a Masters degree. She received an Communications/Speech degree from Edward Waters College in Jacksonville.
WHAT? Oh my…
Unbelievable, some politicians are totally stupid.
One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people’s money to help prevent there to be a crisis.”
‘I think when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the decisions that were made on Wall Street took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in President, during I arrived in President.”
“We want people owning their home — we want people owning a businesses.”
“Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever.”
“I can press when there needs to be pressed; I can hold hands when there needs to be — hold hands.”
“I fully understand those who say you can’t win this thing militarily. That’s exactly what the United States military says, that you can’t win this military.”
“I’ll be writing an authoritarian book on my presidency.”
“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”
“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”
“They misunderestimated me.”