KETNER BURNS BROWN FOR BEING PYROMANIAC IN NEW AD

Linda Ketner has a lot of money. A lot. I don’t know how much, but I know she got it from her daddy who founded Food Lion and she isn’t afraid to spend it.

That’s because she today released her third ad in a bid to unseat Rep. Henry Brown in the 2nd Congressional District.

Unlike the first two cookie-cutter spots that did little more than convince us that she’s rich, better than us, and therefore qualified to be a member of Congress, the new spot attacks Brown for not being smokey the bear.

“It was a red flag ‘no burn day’ and the Forest Commission told Congressman Henry Brown not to burn on his property,” an announcer says. “He did anyway, and the fire spread to Francis Marion National Forrest. Henry Brown was fined $7,000, but he refused to pay and spent $100,000 in taxpayer money fighting the fine. And in congress, he made it harder to go after people who allow fires to escape from their property.”

I hate to say it, but this ad is incredibly effective. If Ketner puts her daddy’s money behind airing it, it’s hard to see how this won’t burn Brown. Especially since he has yet to offer a reasonable response to the allegation that he wasted 100 large in taxpayer money to unsuccessfully save his own ass.

Don’t get me wrong here, by no means does Ketner belong in Congress. But at the same time, I have a very big problem with an elected official spending a whole lot my hard-earned money to get himself out of trouble.

At best, the result of this race will probably be a lose-lose for voters.

If I were registered in that district, I would probably write-in Mickey Mouse. Also an option: Iceman from the X-Men comic book series. Not only can he manipulate water (useful for putting out fires), but he can also freeze things (like Ketner’s assets).

And to my critics: Note that I made it through the entire post without pointing out that Ketner is gay. Dammit, so much for that.