ANIMAL RIGHTS EXTREMISTS SAY SC NEEDS TO EAT ITS VEGGIES

Apparently the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are no longer content with simply splattering paint on our expensive new mink coats or sticking naked people on public street corners, but now they want to be our mommy too.

On Monday, PETA — or as I like to call them, “the Children of the Corn on acid suffering from a combination of ADHD, narcissistic personality disorder and mad cow disease” — noted a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention which has named South Carolina one of the country’s “fattest” states, and demanded that we eat more vegetables.

In an effort to help South Carolinians beat the obesity blues, PETA has written to Gov. Mark Sanford and urged him to ditch the meat and implement a program to encourage his constituents to do the same.

PETA points out that vegetarians are on average 10 percent leaner than meat-eaters. The consumption of meat and other animal products has been conclusively linked to heart disease, diabetes, and several types of cancer. Meat-eaters are also responsible for the suffering and deaths of billions of animals, who are deprived of everything that’s natural and important to them on factory farms. They are often still conscious as they are dismembered in slaughterhouses.

“South Carolina residents’ love affair with barbecue and fried chicken is making them fat–and literally killing them,” says PETA campaign coordinator Lindsay Rajt. “We’re confident that South Carolinians can and will rise to the challenge of trimming their waistlines, and the fastest and easiest way to do that is to leave animals off their plates.”

Sanford’s cabinet did single-handedly alter the sexual orientation of our entire state, so I don’t see what’s stopping him from making us vegetarians as well. Although, you’ll have a tough sell with many members of our state legislature who make their living almost entirely on pork.