NVB CREATES BOREDOM-KILLING SC BULWER-LYTTON CONTEST

To call the first week of August — when everyone is away on vacation and very, very, very little news is happening — a vanilla lull would not only be accurate, but also slightly garrulous. So it is in that spirit that Not Very Bright has taken utility of a loquacious sentence from FITSNews Gal Mande Wilkes and created a South Carolina variation of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

Here’s Mande’s inspirational sentence (technically it’s two sentences, but it has an “and” that pretty much combines them):

Barack Obama is like a milkshake, the frothy smoothness of which is born of his mingled genes, decades of diversity initiatives distilled in his perfectly whipped cocoa-vanilla amalgamation. And like any true amalgamation, it’s impossible to parse the ingredients, to discern the beginning of one and the end of another.

So in an effort to cure the boredom and create harmony between myself and the rabid liberal bloggers, I have decided to submit my entry about a certain South Carolina GOP Chairman:

Perched high atop a quavering trident of personalized prominence sat a specter of a man, too sunken for resolve, too sovereign for restraint, and too stubborn for reform, who, in his own right might ought be a significant dignitary were it not for the iniquities previously surmised which henceforth prompt the aura of his character – or lack thereof – upon others making his acquaintance, for in most worlds this seemingly trite man should be passed over – given not but a solitary thought – yet in this world, where a Sparkling City, nay County, of Republicans hath determined he, with roots planted in Europe’s perceptible boot, sprouted in the land of Quakers and Anglicans, and repotted beneath the shade of the Palmetto, shall be their leader, that this man would consequentially be forever known not merely by his given name of Beltram, but moreover encumbered addendums tendering an oratory elucidation of the oft-inept, ill-conceived, infantile demeanor epitomized more closely by members of the proletariat in preference to the persona of a man granted an esteemed title of County Party Chairman, chosen to pilot perilous endeavors intended for razing entirely each and every aspiration of victory detained within the hegemonic psyche of Democratic foes.

If you wish to take part, I encourage you to head over to NVB and leave your entry in the comments section.