THE GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACIES ARE TRUE?
There’s long been a legend that an uninhabited island in the Lowcountry is home to thousands of non-indigenous machine-gun wielding evil monkeys trained in mixed martial arts used by the federal government to control our behavior, but there’s never been any evidence of such a place.
That’s until now anyway, as WGAT-TV in Augusta, Ga. — who spent years tracking down the mysterious island because apparently nothing at all newsworthy ever happens in Augusta — has released new video of the not-so-mythical Monkey Island.
After several hours snaking through South Carolina estuaries, the years-long search pays off.
Slowly, one at a time, they come towards our boat.
They’re called Rhesus monkeys and they’re native to India, but 3,500 of them live in the wild here in South Carolina.
Rhesus monkeys were first brought here in 1979 and they were left on this island free-ranging to live and breed almost 750 newborns a year.
Every monkey is tagged or tattooed, and each year 500 monkeys are taken to labs.
Over the decades, they’ve been used to test vaccines for everything from aids to bio-terrorism agents.
Few people, even those who live here, have ever seen them. [WGAT]
The reason no one knows about it is because the island has been kept more secret than Area 51. Even that guy in the video who lived across the channel didn’t know about it until recently. It’s so protected that the reporter couldn’t even say where it is.
Which leads me to believe that, while they don’t have machine guns (not that we can see anyway), these monkeys are trained killers. And I know the Ron Paulites will agree with me in saying that there’s no way the federal government is protecting this island for a few simple tests. They’re trying to control our minds!
Don’t say we didn’t warn you when a few million of these things come goose stepping down your street one day.
Also, no word from the WGAT report whether or not Andy Kaufman, Tupac or Elvis were found on the island.
This entry was posted on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 9:52 am and is filed under Around the state. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
OK, now I feel a little bit bad about writing off WGAT as a Georgia station, totally useless for someone interested in SC news. After all, did WIS break this story? I think not!
(Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to start actually watching WGAT, or taking the Augusta Chronicle, or anything crazy like that.)
Actually, yes, the dramatic music and breathless tone notwithstanding, WIS did the story 2 1/2 years ago. Many others have too.
http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=4263141
And the reporter’s with a Charlotte station, WCNC.
The island is down near Bennett’s Point in the ACE Basin. I’ve seen it from a DNR boat, but you’re not allowed on it because the monkeys carry all sorts of diseases. Really is a slow day, because people have known about this place for years.
Yeah. I don’t know why they think it’s so secret. I’m from the area and it’s well known, it’s even regularly mentioned in the local paper.
Take this line from a recent Beaufort Gazette story ( http://www.beaufortgazette.com/lifestyles/lifetimes/story/440372.html ):
An injured adult male bald eagle found at the end of January on Morgan Island, which is a sanctuary for Rhesus monkeys, was scheduled to be released from the center Thursday.
Still fascinating though. The Gazette used to have a really great story about the island, but it disappeared after the redesign.
Actually here it is. With photos! http://dwb.beaufortgazette.com/local_news/story/4744723p-4375122c.html