WE WHOOP THE CRAP OUT OF OUR BRITISH OPPRESSORS

Eleven score and twelve years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

And thus, America was born. It would be another six and half years before we would achieve complete Independence by defeating King George III’s once-invincible army at Yorktown. Today we honor our nation and remember how truly fortunate we are.

No document presents a greater written argument for our existence than the one that started it all, the Declaration of Independence. So listen above and/or read the full text here.

And, as I said last year, while you’re enjoying friends, family, food and festivities on this wonderful day, we hope you take a moment to remember what we’re celebrating. Be safe, and God bless America!