FRESHMAN QUARTERBACK GETS UMPTEENTH CHANCE

As you can see in the picture above from The State, University of South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia has been reinstated two weeks early from a suspension for underage drinking and he is so excited that he’s frolicking around like a Unicorn chasing a rainbow. He even issued a statement through USC thanking the school for not giving up on him the last 742 times he screwed up.

I thank everyone at the University of South Carolina that was involved with my reinstatement – for giving me another chance to be a student-athlete here.

All I can say is that I will try to be the best student-athlete I can during my career here and make this decision a positive one for our university.

The media attention needs to go to Tommy Beecher and the other players on our team.

I will not start talking to the media until I begin playing in the real games here at Carolina.

It’s interesting that he notes that he won’t start talking to media until he plays in “real games” because, to date, he has still done absolutely nothing on the field yet he’s been constantly grabbing headlines for doing stupid stuff off the field. I think it’s safe to say this is his last chance.

Will it work out, or will he just blow it? If he does blow it, will it be like in “Rookie of the Year” when the kid trips on the baseball, launching him a very realistic 50 feet into the air before hitting the ground and re-breaking his arm, effectively reversing the magical injury that allowed him to throw 100 mile per hour fastballs?

If it is like “Rookie of the Year,” will he be able to throw the opposition off their game by chanting “Pitcher’s got a big butt!” while he steals three bases to win the game? And will this ridiculously metaphor about a children’s baseball movie be at all applicable to college football? Stay tuned to TPS for all the details.

CHARLESTON LEGISLATOR CREATES OWN SPACE, SCREW EMS

I’m so glad that Sen. Robert Ford is named after the guy who allegedly shot and killed the outlaw Jesse James whom Hollywood recently portrayed in a popular movie because that means I can use some variation of that headline for pretty much anything the Charleston Democrat does.

Like if he tells you that you are dying of cancer: The Assassination of Hope by the Senator Robert Ford.

Or he attends a ZZ Top concert: The Assassination of a Mean Air Guitar by the Senator Robert Ford.

Or he goes out to dinner at Sticky Fingers: The Assassination of a Hickory Smoked Rack of Ribs by the Senator Robert Ford.

In this case, it was cleverly parking in a fire lane near the shopping center in West Ashley hoping no one would notice his “inconspicuous” legislative tags. Unfortunately for him though, someone did and sent a picture to the Charleston Post and Courier.

That spurred a wave of letters to the editor last week condemning the senator’s actions.

“It is quite obvious that he is like many of our elected officials and believes he is above the law,” said one reader. “I wonder what other laws Sen. Ford believes it’s OK to break.”

Ford’s response? “Every person in the country does it,” he told the Post and Courier. “Whatever, I’ve got no problem with it. If someone does, tell them to go call the tow truck or police.”

He’s right. Who cares? It’s not like there was a fire.

And even if there was a blazing inferno that could kill people if help blocked from being able to properly respond, those pesky firemen could have parked their 50 foot long, 30 ton fire truck somewhere else. What’s important here is that the senator was as close to his vehicle as possible. After all, you never know when when he’ll have to go assassinate a good piece of legislation.

BRIDGES STILL FAILING, WE’RE STILL DOING NOTHING

I’m not sure why some people seem to think that man-made structures are going to magically repair themselves when they begin falling apart, but about every six months theres a new story about the fact that South Carolina bridges are on the brink of collapse. And every six months that story says we’re doing nothing to fix the problem.

Like in March when, half a year after the Minnesota bridge collapse, we were reminded by AAA that bridge safety was still a major issue in South Carolina. We did nothing.

So unsurprisingly yesterday the Associated Press noted that, of South Carolina’s 20 busiest, structurally deficient bridges, just one has seen major work in the past year. None of the rest are even scheduled for repairs. NONE!

Despite that, few media covered the story. But if you drive over these bridges, you might want to pay attention: (continues…)

AS SCHOOL DISTRICT FAILS, PR DEPT WINS NATIONAL AWARDS

Whichever bureaucrat at Orangeburg’s Consolidated School District 5 decided to bury their education woes in a heaping pile of taxpayer-funded public relations is a genius and they deserve an award. Oh, well isn’t that timely…

The Times and Democrat reported Monday that Orangeburg 5’s public relations department won national acclaim for the tenth straight year from the National School Public Relations Association. Spokesman Greg Carson and PR Assistant Cindy Kinard reigned in fours Awards of Excellence for making the world believe that things are just fine and dandy for Orangeburg’s youth.

And good for them, because every district needs a good PR department when they make the school in Dangerous Minds look like Harvard. The Voice for School Choice blog notes:

In 2008, the average SAT score in Orangeburg 5 was 946, 38 points behind the state average and 71 points behind the national average. SAT participation in Orangeburg 5 was a mere 24 percent, half the South Carolina high school average. ACT scores in Orangeburg 5 averaged 16.7, 2.8 points behind the rest of the state, 4.4 points behind the national average.

The state’s performance rating for the district has gone from “below average” (2006) to “unsatisfactory” (2007) which is the lowest possible rating, and the reported graduation rate has dropped 15 percent in the last three years.

Saddest of all, the huge race-correlated performance gap between black and white students is among the worst in South Carolina. In 2007, there was a thirty point disparity between the End of-Course (EOC) pass rate of black and white students. There was also a twenty point gap in average PACT scores.

All this failure, despite huge sums of local, state and federal money. Total per pupil revenues were $11,433 in 2006 and are projected to reach almost $14,000 per student in 2008. That’s more than $2,500 more per child than the state average.

So my hat is off to the outstanding Orangeburg 5 PR department; they can truly turn shat into shinola.

I bet they could throw you into a tank of man-eating sharks and then convince you to put on a pair of chum-filled underwear. And then they’d tell you to go up and punch the biggest shark in the nose and you’d do it. Because you’re gullible like that. Not me though, I’m much smarter.

TIGER SITES REPORTEDLY SENDING RECRUITS CLIPS OF USC ARRESTS

The rivalry between the University of South Carolina and Clemson University needs no introduction. From on-field fights to fan fracas, there’s really no love lost between these schools.

So it’s not surprising that someone working for the Clemson fan sites TigerIllustrated.com and CUTigers.com has reportedly been mailing potential recruits articles about USC players having brushes with the law. Of course, with about an arrest per month during the offseason, that wasn’t difficult to do. But it’s still pretty low.

Gamecock Coach Steve Spurrier even took a veiled swipe at the men who run the sites, Cris Ard and Roy Philpott, in his Tuesday press conference. Both men deny the allegations.

But individuals on Clemson’s Rivals.com Website claim to have copies of the packages showing otherwise. Whether that’s true or not is hard to tell, but it would certainly be an interesting find.

And if you have one of the packages, feel free to e-mail it to me.

__________

8/4 UPDATE: Chris Ard from Tiger Illustrated emailed me late last night to inform me that his website had no part in this whole thing. In the interest of fairness I will post it after the jump: (continues…)

SHARK ATTACKS, TOXIC LOBSTER, CONTAMINATED BEACHES EVERYWHERE

It’s not just recent shark attacks that should keep people from swimming in the ocean off South Carolina’s coast, but now government warnings of toxic lobster and bacteria-infested beaches.

On Tuesday, the Food and Drug Administration issued a warning that lobster caught off the South Carolina coast could be toxic.

The government is warning that the soft, green substance known as tomalley in lobsters, could be dangerous. The Food and Drug Administration says it is still okay to eat the white meat in the claws and tails, but the substance inside the body cavity could be poisonous. Symptoms only take an hour to appear, and include tingling, numbness of the mouth, face or neck… and headache or nausea. [AP]

Also on Tuesday, the Natural Resources Defense Council released a report that said South Carolina still had the highest percentage of ocean water samples exceeding federal bacteria safety limits in the Southeast.

The state ranked sixth-worst nationally in that category.

A spokesman for the state Department of Health and Environmental Control, which monitors beach waters, said the agency hadn’t had a chance to study the report.

“We don’t know how they have construed that data and put it together so we’re just not in a position where we can discuss a whole lot about the report,” spokesman Adam Myrick said. [RON BARNETT - Greenville Online]

OK, maybe it’s not as bad as the picture above, but I’ve never been so glad to live inland in my life. Of course Columbia’s not exactly a perfect specimen of cleanliness, but it still sounds better than that.

Either way, I’m glad to hear DHEC has heard about the study and decided to do what they always do: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

HOUSE MAJORITY WHIP: BLACKS ‘DISPROPORTIONATELY IMPACTED’ BY CLIMATE CHANGE

There was a study released Thursday by the Environmental Justice and Climate Change Initiative that said Blacks are more likely to be hurt by global warming than other Americans.

Now guess how long it took House Majority Whip James Clyburn to get find a microphone, a podium, and some cameras to make “climate change” a racial issue?

Five days. Not counting the weekend, three days. And most Congressmen don’t work Fridays, so two days.

Speaking at the National Press Club Tuesday, Clyburn said, “It is critical our community be an integral and active part of the debate because African-Americans are disproportionately impacted by the effects of climate change economically, socially and through our health and well-being.”

I’m glad to see Clyburn has already taken this study and decided to run full steam ahead with the race-baiting. And I can’t even imagine the ways that he’ll turn this into not only a wedge issue, but a way to load the budget with more pork.

SUSPENSION FOR GAMECOCK STAR COULD END THURSDAY

I know it’s a bit presumptive to refer to redshirt freshman Stephen Garcia as the University of South Carolina’s “star” quarterback since he hasn’t really done anything but get in trouble, but he certainly has the potential to do some great things on the field if he can ever get his act together off the field.

But fortunately for him, it looks as if his suspension for an underage drinking arrest — his third run-in with police since 2007 — in March could end two weeks early, in time for him to begin fall camp with the rest of the team.

He was due to be eligible on Aug. 15, but Spurrier said he’s waiting for word from the university, which handed down the suspension.

“I’m not sure if Stephen Garcia will be here Thursday night,” Spurrier said. “I do not know if he’ll be there this Thursday night. Certainly we’re hoping he will be there, but that’s in the hands of our university and those who are in charge of that.”

Spurrier said he was “not in the loop” on the decision.

“What was told to Stephen is if you do what you’re supposed to do, we’ll look at your situation and make a call,” Spurrier said. “But I’ve been out of the loop on that. I’m staying out of the loop, and we’ll find out in the next three-to-four days.” [The State]

Basically, that’s Spurrier’s way of saying “he’ll be back Thursday, I just can’t tell you that yet.”

And that’s good news because the Gamecocks are going to desperately need a star quarterback. Due respect to Tommy Beecher and Chris Smelley, both of whom are solid backups, this kid is talented.

Despite today’s reports, Garcia still probably won’t start the Gamecock’s Aug. 28 season opener again NC State, but at least this is a sign things are on the right track. For now, anyway.

__________

GAMECOCK CRIME UNIT UPDATE - Freshman Wide Receiver Dion Lecorn’s charge of simple possession of marijuana has been dropped due to lack of evidence. That’s good because his charge was pretty much BS anyway.