NO, NOT REALLY… BUT HE SURE WOULD FIT IN

I usually wouldn’t pay attention to a site with the word “dandelion” in it, but luckily the headline “Karl Rove to head Bob Jones University Polysci Dept” was bold enough to pique my interest.

Thankfully, it only turned out to be a mildly humorous parody of the fact that Rove and BJU are generally committed to the same thing: turning people into uptight zealots through fear and repression. Sure one deals with politics and one with religion, but just imagine if their powers combined.

Which is exactly what the Dandelion Salad did with their post claiming that BJU President Dr. Steven Jones named Rove — who according to the above video likes to collect stamps, impersonate Kevin Federline and tear the tops off small animals — the chairman of the school’s political science department.

“We knew we need to round out our programs here at the University to include more than just Creationism, anti-gay crusading and history of the Confederacy, “Jones said, “so who better to shape a bold new political science curriculum than the man who practically invented politics, the honorable Karl Rove.”

“After dodging all those subpoenas and vicious attacks from the vast left wing conspiracy,” Rove said, “this new position will be welcome. Kids these days are more interested in voting for their fave on American Idol than stealing votes in national elections. I hope to be able to bring the traditional values of the Republican party back to the classroom, you know, lying, cheating, character assassination, and my favorite, abuse of power.”

I’m not going to lie, there’s really no story here. I just thought this was a good excuse to rehash that embarrassing video of Turd Blossom in all his wannabe Lee Atwater glory. And I would consider myself a failure if I missed a chance to take a pot-shot at the wacked-out BJU establishment.

Not that Rove would have a chance at making it at the school. In that video alone he breaks pretty much every rule in the school’s handbook by lying about his name, being within 25 feet of a female AND a minority, not listing “quoting Bible verses at sinners for 23 hours a day” as one of his hobbies, laughing, listening to music, and enjoying himself too much.

In fact, a BJU insider says God told him this morning that Rove has already been banished to Hell without the possibility of salvation. And trust me, these guys are on a first-name basis with Jesus Himself… they know these kinds of things.