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I’LL ONLY ASK FOR $10,000 TO USE MY SLOGAN(S)
I know the folks with the Columbia Metropolitan Convention & Visitors Bureau are avid readers of The Palmetto Scoop, as are a number of City Council members including Mayor Bob Coble, so I would like to pose this offer to them directly:
I heard y’all have decided to scrap the useless “Where Friendliness Flows” slogan that cost the city $70,000 in 2004. To find another catchphrase, you have decided to dish out another $70,000 in hospitality and accommodations taxes to the local ad firm ADCO.
I think that’s pretty outrageous. Think about it… seventy large for a few simple words that in all likelihood won’t do anything to help tourism?
To remedy this — because I’m very generous — I have decided to present a few ideas that I have come up with (henceforth copyrighted, of course). If y’all choose to use them, I will only charge $10,000; in cash, all up front, no large bills.
Here they are:
Just Like the South American Country, Only Not Spelled the Same
A College Town With a Capitol Problem
Where the Blowfish Blow and the Cocks Crow
City of Three Flags and Five Points
The Cesspool of the South
I Hear Charleston’s Nice This Time of Year
Land of One Thousand Lobbyists
The General Assembly Stayed At a Holiday Inn Express Last Night
Discover the Mediocrity
Where Taxpayer Money Comes To Die
You Could Probably Do Better
The Gateway to Calhoun County
Under NCAA Boycott Since 2000
Now Selling Beer on Sundays
Our Bus System Runs on Confederate Dollars
Columbia: That’s What She Said
Insert Expensive Slogan Here
We Paid $70,000 and All We Got Was This Lousy Slogan
Further, because my genius alone may not be enough to satisfy your slogan hunting needs, I’m going to open the comments section of this post to TPS readers’ suggestions with a similar condition: $8,000 if you use their slogan, $2,000 finders fee to me. So have at it, kids!
Drunken legislators ahead.
COLUMBIA! We no longer have rats!!!
Where is Sherman now that we REALLY need him?
Giveme my 10000 now.
Columbia — SCs Black Hole
South Carolinas Mullet: Business in the front, Party in the Back..
Columbia, SC – Where the Chinese can always find work
passing laws is only a 5th grade education away!!
Come to Columbia…Hell, all the illegals do…
Columbia..Where we change police chiefs as often as our slogans…
Columbia…we don’t balance our books and our councilman’s a crook.
Columbia…No kidding?…You REALLY want to use our convention center?
And for my final number…
Columbia…Thanks for passing through on your way to Atlanta!!
Flint Michigan never looked so good.
A bottomfeeders paridise.
Stinkbombs the Size of the State House.
The truth shall get you unelected.
Columbia. Smiling faces, horrible drivers.
Columbia. Stupid is as we does.
As Coolio once said, A Gangstas paridise.
A 6 month playpen for political ponys.
“Cola City: Jessica Biel totally got NAILED here.”
Oh, and…
“Almost as big as Glen McConnells’ cannon!”
The Wayward Notch on the Bible Belt
a few more ideas….
The Good Ole Boys live here.
Discrimination is alive and well in Columbia SC.
SC politicians lie and I ain’t saying in the bed.
High Gas, high taxes and heat.
We drive worst in the nation.
Columbia, a place where airplanes fly directly over your downtown home 10 miles from the airfield.
I’ll admit; I laughed.
One could generate more tourism by using that money to construct a very large rubber band ball.
The mullet slogan takes the prize! I spit coffee at that one!
Not quite sure why so many people would spend time coming up with slogans rather than actually trying to improve what they don’t like about our city. Or why they would waste time that could be better spent packing their bags…
This has all my friends laughing all over the country. Great shot Adam. Maybe you have accented the big problem. Big budgets, simple solutions.
My slogan is , Columbia, Surrendered to the Union Army under Sherman and now the gangs under a more representative regime.
This is the funniest story I have seen. Maybe a contest amongst high school students for a $1000 prize woul have been better.
How do we bid on the contract for the slogan or is it a fix it deal?
Columbia, SC like history: You just can’t change it!
South Carolina the next best thing to Florida.
Columbia, your almost in Florida.
Columbia, there are 13 exits please visit
Columbis, there are 13 exits just pick one!
Columbia we spent $7,000 for this slogan.
We waste your money because it’s not ours.
Columbia where the legislators only work three days a week.
Columbia were the legislators work three days a week five months a year.
Columbia, well fly any flag we want damn it.
Columbia, well fly any flag we want. You got a problem with that!
Columbia it’s just like Charleston with no ocean and more politicans.
Columbia SC, That smell is not coming from this truck.