DAVID WILKINS NEEDS TO GET THESE PEOPLE A XANAX

You have to hand it to hockey because, to my knowledge, it is the only sport in the world where fans will riot after their team wins the first series of the playoffs — even though they are still three rounds away from the Stanley Cup. Like last night in Montreal when the Canadiens (the hockey team) beat the Boston Bruins in game seven and the Canadians (the people) showed their joy by looting stores and burning police cars.

A guy who is me was quoted as saying, “Holy crap, those are some hardcore fans.”

Unfortunately, this means that former House Speaker David Wilkins hasn’t been doing his job as ambassadorship to America Jr., which includes checking the country’s homework and making sure its citizens take their medicine before bed time.

I’m guessing what happened was they suckered him into thinking they were just docile, simple folks who enjoy a trouble-free life of socialized health care and maple syrup, the entire time covering their hidden rage.

Another possibility is that all those cheap Canadian pharmaceuticals I keep reading about in my email’s junk folder are highly diluted.

We’ll probably never know.

But if I were Wilkins, I would act fast so it doesn’t happen again if, God forbid, the Montreal Alouettes win whatever it is Canadian Football League teams win or the Montreal Expos win readmission to Major League Baseball.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 at 5:30 pm and is filed under Video of the day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.