THE LORD TELLS ME HE CAN GET ME OUT OF THIS MESS, BUT HE’S PRETTY SURE REPUBLICANS ARE F***ED

He recently made three or four national headlines when he sent out an e-mail on behalf of former presidential candidate Mitt Romney saying that rival John McCain supported terrorists’ efforts. Like the guy in Braveheart (above), he reportedly translates orders directly from the Almighty Himself; also like that guy, he lives on his own island, commonly referred to as the Christian Coalition. He was even fired from the South Carolina Republican Party for “surreptitiously faxing documents to the Christian Coalition.”

He’s Drew McKissick, the most wanted man on his island and South Carolina’s new National Committeeman to the RNC.

That’s right, we somehow managed to replace Buddy Witherspoon, a guy who admits he is a card-carrying member of the white supremacist Council of Conservative Citizens, with someone who might actually be worse. Someone who appears to be further to the social right than Buddy. Someone whose far-right diatribes actually makes Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh look like secular leftists by comparison.

Thankfully, experts can’t confirm that a national committeeman actually does anything at all. Which is a really good thing. Except that if McKissick gets bored doing all that nothing, he might kill some Englishmen or sneak a dagger past William Wallace’s guards. So I guess this is a mixed bag.

Even if this does go the way of Longshanks’ plan to rid Scotland of Scots, McKissick only won an election to fill the rest of Buddy’s term, which ends in May. Which means there’s hope to get a non-ideologue to fill this oh-so-unimportant post.