RESULT IS ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT

If you’re over the age of 15, you have probably spent more than enough time in one of our fine Department of Motor Vehicles offices. Time spent in one of these bureaucratic hellholes is roughly equivalent to having a root canal while watching paint dry. Except the dentist only works for three minutes at a time between taking 30 minute breaks, and the paint is an unGodly puke green color.

So I guess you won’t be shocked to learn that this pillar of efficiency and competency was hit Friday by that evil Y2LeapDay computer virus.

According to Beth Parks with the DMV, computers went down because of a glitch with recognizing the date of February 29th.

The DMV offices are almost back to normal. There are three things they still can’t do. They can’t issue CDL’s, clear suspensions or issue a driver’s record. [WIS]

Something else they can’t do: plan ahead. But to their credit, they had the automated announcement thing that says “now serving S385 at window number B” back up and running over and over and over and over again in no time.

And there’s only really one way the SCDMV can properly commemorate “The day we temporarily killed the computers”: create a new license plate. Once they get their computers running again so they can make the design, of course.

I received some great news yesterday when York County GOP Chairman Glenn McCall told me that he will put his name in the hat to be South Carolina’s next Republican National Committeeman. This is awesome for a number of reasons, chief among them being that the guy currently holding the position and the guy who held it before him couldn’t be less suited to do whatever it is a National Committeeman does (note: I still haven’t quite figured that out). Also, unlike Buddy Witherspoon and Buddy Jr. (current committeeman Drew McKissick), McCall is a class act who has worked hard to advance the party rather than his own personal ambitions.

Oh, and McCall would be the the only African American on the Republican National Committee, a 100-member body — two people per state — that manages most of the GOP’s platform, strategy and scheduling.

I was quite impressed when I spoke with McCall. He understands the significant symbolism of his candidacy — black Republicans are, unfortunately, incredibly hard to come by — and the new ground he is embarking upon. But he is also ready to “represent our conservative values” and work for the Republican voters of South Carolina.

“I’ve had people come up to me and say, ‘I have stopped giving to the RNC because they don’t get me and they don’t represent me as a conservative,’” McCall said. “And we need to change that. We need to better communicate the message on the important issues of our time, such as illegal immigration.” (continues…)

For the first time since 2004, South Carolina GOP Chairman Katon Dawson is celebrating his birthday. That means he’s turning 13 years old today. It also means that he is automatically open to all sorts of hilarious jokes about “acting his age.”

I wonder if that means he can legally drink alcohol, drive a car, vote or even run for public office. And what does he do for the other three years? Does he celebrate on Feb. 28 or March 1? These are serious questions here, folks.

Even though I wasn’t invited to his birthday party, I would still like to pass along my best wishes for a very Happy Birthday. After all, these things only come around every four years, so he better party four times as hard.

SENIOR SENATOR PICKING UP INFLUENCE AT GOP NOMINEE’S SIDE

If you have yet to see the 2006 hit “300,” then you are missing out on one hell of a good movie. It could be best described as a “modern interpretation” — emphasis on “interpretation” — of the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C. In the movie, King Leonidas and his band of 300 Spartans must defend a vital pass against the Persian King Xerxes and his army numbering upwards of 1 million men. They must do this in the course of two hours of nonstop blood-splattering action featuring graphic novel-like visual effects, tons of slow-motion violence, and extremely exaggerated battle sequences.

And just like Leonidas, Sen. Lindsey Graham is fighting multiple battles in the war to win soon-to-be Republican nominee John McCain the White House. Unlike Leonidas though, I don’t think Graham plans to get slaughtered in the process.

The Hill reports that Graham is “playing both defense and offense for McCain,” and in the process, picking up some serious power. (continues…)

SENATOR TO INVESTIGATE SANFORD IN POSSIBLE PORT ROYAL MISDEEDS

In the wake of our massive story that Gov. Mark Sanford pocketed at least $4,000 in campaign cash from a Lowcountry developer prior to interfering on his behalf in the state’s multi-million-dollar sale of Port Royal, Orangeburg Sen. Brad Hutto said he will file legislation calling for an investigation of South Carolina’s top executive.

In interviews with The Associated Press, Sanford has said he relayed damaging rumors he had been told about the personal and professional life of the developer who is buying the Port Royal land from the state.

Hutto said he also wants to know more about donor Jim Chaffin, a Beaufort County developer who bid on the port land.

Chaffin and his wife, Betsy, donated a total of $8,850 to Sanford’s 2002 and 2006 campaigns for governor, according to state Ethics Commission records and data from Follow The Money, a group that tracks money in state politics.

“Now it comes out that the second-place bidder or the low bidder had actually given substantial political donations to the governor prior to his involvement in this matter and so it does need to be looked into,” Hutto said on the Senate floor Wednesday. [JIM DAVENPORT - AP]

I’m not really going out on a limb when I say this, but Sanford’s Port Royal nightmare is only just beginning. Based solely on what rumors I have heard and some of the comments left on TPS, there is plenty of other information floating around out there.

And the anti-Sanford crowd is loving every second of it — not just Republicans, either. A member of the South Carolina Senate Democrat Caucus even took the time to e-mail me and thank me for “getting this started.” I quickly replied that this is the first and probably the last time that they would ever thank me for anything, but I suppose they are welcome nonetheless.

I guess after this, it’s only a matter of time before Sanford sends a few private eyes after me.

SOUTH CAROLINA INKS $66 MILLION DEAL WITH THE YEAR 1875

Rather than beat around the bush with some drawn-out lead paragraph, I’m going to come right out and say it: AT&T sucks. There is absolutely nothing about that company that isn’t doesn’t flat-out atrocious. They are the Internet Explorer of phone companies, only much, much, much worse.

Their customer service is horrendous, their gimmicks are deceiving and their innovation rivals that of the 37-year-old guy who lives down the street with his parents and doesn’t have a job because he’s “writing the great American screenplay.” As far as I can tell, they haven’t changed a damn thing since Alexander Graham Bell spawned his now-archaic little inbred progeny.

So naturally, we would choose this company to service pretty much every important public entity in our state.

AT&T announced that it has entered into a five-year $66 million contract with the state of South Carolina to offer state agencies, local and county governments, school districts and libraries with advanced communications services. The company noted that its new contract would offer voice services to more than 3 thousand locations. Jim Bryant, chief information officer for the state of South Carolina said, “Our voice and data network service needs continue to grow with the state. AT&T has delivered a statewide solution to help us control costs and improve reliability so that our voice services really benefit government employees and citizens in South Carolina.”

Bryant went on to say, “I didn’t actually do any research, I just picked a name out of a hat and AT&T was the only name I put in the hat, so this was a win-win.”

Now, before someone comes on here and says, “but AT&T is the exclusive carrier for the iPhone,” I want you to know that the iPhone sucks too. If you don’t know why, then go read Maddox’s article (warning: VERY explicit language).

In fact, AT&T’s only redeeming quality is that their NASCAR driver, Jeff Burton, is a pretty cool guy who makes funny commercials (albeit for a sponsor other than AT&T).

Also on the plus side of all this is that if we average AT&T’s 19th Century technology with our 12th Century public school systems, that puts us somewhere around the time Columbus discovered America. So I guess we really do win!

If you’re keeping score that’s South Carolina - 1, Progress - 0.

If you haven’t heard the sad news yet, conservative author and commentator William F. Buckley Jr. passed away today at the age of 82 after battling emphysema. Buckley, along with Ronald Reagan and Barry Goldwater, is widely considered to be the father of modern conservatism. Historian Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr. went so far as to call him “the scourge of American liberalism.”

South Carolina GOP Chairman Katon Dawson released the following statement on Buckley’s death:

William F. Buckley was an intellectual giant who built the conservative movement and elevated it to the forefront of American politics. South Carolina Republicans are deeply saddened to hear of his passing, but we are eternally grateful for his work.

We too join the millions of others who remember Buckley’s life and the great things he did for conservatives and America as a whole. I think my favorite Buckley moment is when he absolutely owned Noam Chomsky during a 1969 debate. It goes without saying that he will be missed.

OTHER STATEWIDE OFFICES TO BE APPOINTED UNDER HOUSE BILL

I’m not completely opposed to the idea of having gubernatorial candidates choose running mates and eliminate elections for the office of lieutenant governor. But I’m not sure I’m on board quite yet. And I’m certainly not in favor of having the governor appoint any of the other statewide offices.

Both of those things would happen though if proposed House legislation becomes law.

The bill to be debated Tuesday would also allow voters to decide whether to make the state adjutant general an appointed position. South Carolina currently has the nation’s only elected National Guard chief.

Gov. Mark Sanford and some legislators have persistently called for fewer statewide elected positions. [The State]

Of course Sanford is going to call for fewer elected offices. If it were up to him, he would appoint every damn position in this state. Not just executive offices, but also legislators, county and city council members, school board members, mayors, sewer committee members, dog catchers, etc.

This is a really bad idea. As we have seen over the past five years, a governor with too much power will use it. I understand that slippery slope arguments are generally not valid, but if Sanford wins and gets to appoint one office, he’ll fight to appoint the rest.