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CollegeHumor has released their 2007-2008 Power Rankings with Clemson coming in at #9 and the Gamecocks at #15. It is hard to question this flawless formula, but there are a few categories that I must address. According to my calculations if the following changes were made South Carolina would jump to #8, one ahead of Clemson and six ahead of those Bulldogs from Georgia.
A) They say the closest Taco Bell is 3.0 miles away. I say walk upstairs in Russell House! Why would anyone go to Taco Bell anyway when we have Beezer’s, Pita Pit, Grilled Teryaki and Sonic??
2) Not having any Male Vocal groups cost you points!?! No offense Tigerroar, ya’ll sang an amazing version of Broken Road by Rascal Flatts last time I saw you…
3.C) Western Kentucky is #11. Seriously.
The Good News
It wasn’t the SAT Scores that cost us points. Nor was it the Freshman Retention % that cost us the top 10.
But don’t fret my pet, renovations to the North end zone at Williams-Brice will boost our Stadium Capacity and Global Warming will raise our average February Temperature to a degree that will move the University of South Carolina to #1 on the charts.
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Update: Turns out USC does have an all male vocal group. Not only do we have an all male vocal group, but we also have the Cocktails. Top 10 here we come.
I think it should be noted that SEC dominated with something like 7 of the top 16. I was a little dissapointed to see that my alma mater didn’t make the list, but I assume that can be attributed to categories like % Female, Freshman Retention, and Cute College Girls (not applicable).