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WILD WEST, S.C. (TPS) – Why is it that every article mentioning Spartanburg GOP Chairman Rick Beltram is guaranteed to be awesome? Oh, that’s right, because he’s insane and does ridiculous stuff. Which means Jason Spencer of the Spartanburg Herald-Journal is the luckiest reporter in the World because he gets to cover this guy.
Honestly, letting Beltram do grown-up things is like giving Britney Spears a bottle rocket — you’re not sure what’s going to happen but it will be a blast to watch. And Monday night’s Spartanburg County Republican Party Annual Bronze Elephant event didn’t disappoint.
Not only did presidential hopeful Hugh Cort (R-Hell) show up and “advocate the bombing of 24 different sites in Iran,” but so too did a “smattering of local GOP officials and candidates.” The “smattering” included Sheriff Chuck Wright who told the 200 attendees that, “I’m a Republican because I don’t think it’s cool to kill babies. I don’t think men should marry men. It’s not what God intended.”
Right on Chuck! Killing babies is so “uncool” these days. And it’s good to see that, while he’s against men marrying, he has no problem with lesbians. With Chuck on the job, the good folks of Spartanburg County can rest safe knowing the Upstate gays are unwed and God’s intentions – as interpreted by the loyal sheriff – are being upheld.
We can see it now:
“A robbery in progress?” Sheriff Wright questions into his radio. “No time now dispatch, Roscoe says there’s a dude thinking about PROPOSING to another dude! And we have word that someone is breaking the Seventh Commandment in Lyman.”
But there were more than a few sheriffs in town Monday night, because Beltram had the whimsical idea to turn a political fundraiser into a little kid’s birthday party. Wrote Spencer, “The night carried an Old West theme, with many people wearing cowboy hats and candidates or officeholders wearing sheriff’s badges.”
Wow! Hopefully they had one of those old time photo setups and a Wild West jail for all the people who didn’t pay their party dues. Maybe there was even a cake in the shape of a cowboy hat.
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Photo: Rick Beltram hosts the Spartanburg County Republican Party’s Annual Bronze Elephant Dinner
Killing babies is soo not hot anymore. What is hot, the Rockies, Darfur and uhh Taylor Swift. Wait Lesbians are in now too. Now I’m going to have an A bomb because it is the cool thing to do.
We have it on good authority that it will be cool next year. They plan to feature it on the runways of Paris and Rome. Will someone please let the Sheriff know this? We wouldn’t want him not to be trendy and all.
Good comparison on Beltram. Maybe we could give him a hand grenade, but take the pin away?
[...] with Spartanburg County Chair Rick Beltram, who introduced himself as “that guy you write all that stuff about” — despite the fact that we’ve met before. Needless to say, if you read [...]